Just how to Have Lesbian Intercourse The Very First Time | Autostraddle

How will you have lesbian sex? We become asked this question on a regular basis from lesbians of various age groups who haven’t had lesbian intercourse and they are concerned they don’t really understand “how.” Really, pay attention: taking pleasure in sex is not about memorizing 16 opportunities or knowing the best position to screw from, appreciating lesbian intercourse is half-animal half-heart and simply rarely features it got almost anything to carry out along with your rational head, or cognitive thought, or any such thing people could tell you or what you could keep reading websites.

And while its correct that 1 day you’re going to be self assured and seasoned than you may be today, it is also true that the body was created focusing on how to possess intercourse adore it was given birth to focusing on how to consume. Very first time doesn’t always have is an issue, some people do not also recall our first instances. Alternatively, if you prefer that it is a problem, it may be. But in the end every lover varies — completely, totally, totally various — through the next.
What exactly could we tell you, really

However — in addition, most of us recall a period whenever lesbian sex decided fumbling, or improv, attempting to play an activity we don’t realize, like badminton. Or an activity everybody else believed you should be good at but we had beenn’t. Meanwhile, other individuals remember hopping into bed and instinctually being aware what to accomplish from the moment of entryway. Many had gender with men within our teens and failed to bang a female ’til all of our mid-to-late-twenties, and decided rookies all over again. Therefore we can know how you might feel a little better-knowing a little before taking the dive.

Ladies’ sexuality, let alone queer sex, is usually overlooked by sex ed programs. And while a lot of heteros understand intercourse with each other within very early kids, many lesbians do not start that very early and/or are not fellow socialized in to the intimate universe like straights are, as well as that our entire media society is structured about and enthusiastic about heterosexual sex.

So we’re gonna return to basic principles. However, even as we compose this blog post, we have been slightly concerned that people do not have screwing concept everything we’re speaking about. Develop to start a dialogue for

commenters to share their particular stories and encounters as well as everyone to inquire of questions!


This article (originally written in 2010 and largely unaltered from the period) centers around lesbian sex between cisgender females, although can mostly appropriate to intercourse between any a couple with vulvas, and filled up with great advice about anybody making love with someone who has a vulva. The language in this article, unlike almost all of the intercourse content, reflects that largely for Search Engine Optimization reasons. But trans women are females and most undoubtedly have actually lesbian intercourse, and read a number of the a lot of guidance on that in these articles:
Simple Tips To Have Lesbian Sex With A Trans Lady
F*cking Trans Women
Harnesses for Trans Females

Pre-Game Your Own Lesbian Gender


When you yourself have a vulva and also you want to can generate individuals with a vulva feel well, there is the advantageous asset of making use of yourself for an examination subject matter — not too just what pleases you are going to please your spouse, but it is a start. Most likely your showerhead were aware of this since youth, in case you are a new comer to masturbation or a new comer to orgasming, discover
how exactly to masturbate like a champ.
If you are at it,
here is how exactly to purchase a vibrator

Getting a seasoned masturbator will allow you to end up being an effective fan more than anything else you can actually ever do, ever before. You won’t just know-how your partner can please you, but you’ll involve some idea of how to please them.


Touching yourself with your denim jeans and underwear on (you can unzip your jeans, but try not to move all of them down) may be good practice to suit your day to

Twilight Total Eclipse For The Sun



When you’re aroused, you will feel cozy or flushed. Your nipples can get erect, your clit and vulva will enlarge because of improved blood flow. Inside your human body, the top the pussy will expand.


Examine the insides. The outside of every person’s vulva is actually a fresh continent, however the insides are fairly much like one another, therefore it is a solid sneak preview if you have one.


If you one, see your own vadge when you look at the mirror. I’m sure you’re going to peruse this and believe “OH the Jesus I MIGHT NEVER” and not exercise. Conquer yourself. Stick
a fucking mirror
between legs to check out your own shit!

Understand Your Vaginal Situation, For Those Who Have One

Very first things very first: folks frequently use the term “vagina” when speaing frankly about the female vaginal area, that actually is not proper. Suitable term to suit your additional genital area is actually “vulva.” The snatch is inside you, hooking up the vulva towards the cervix. Discover
a fantastic post from teenage Vogue that gets to every detail about anatomy

Now that you’re sitting here together with your mirror, let us discuss the physiology of a cisgender woman’s vulva.


Your own clit is made up of the glans/head (by far the most painful and sensitive spend 6,000-8,000 neurological endings), the bonnet (which drapes on top of the glans) and the shaft (which will be typically 1.9 cm in total). Some clits tend to be larger than others, and pretty much all females can orgasm from clitoral arousal.

Labia Majora:

Them become your “pussy lips.” After That,
the labia minora
are asymmetrical fine retracts of softy spongy erecticle structure inside the labia majora. Some labia minoras increase at night majoras many are saved in. The length/shape of labia minora/majoras will be the first place in which you’ll notice that
every woman’s vagina seems distinct from another’s


: the vaginal access is actually below the clit and urethral orifice (aka where in fact the pee is released). Vaginal structure is flexible, you could have heard that children come out of it and fists can go engrossed. All of the neurological endings come in the exterior 3rd for the snatch (this basically means: don’t get worried about having little arms, it’s nbd).

many vulvas presented in this pussy artwork by jamie mccatney


Place a little finger within pussy. Now create a “come-hither” motion towards the front wall surface of your vagina. Will you feel that spot with a texture unlike everything else’s texture? It is a sponge concerning size of a bean that fills with blood during arousal, straight in front of your own womb. Some ladies discover g-spot pleasure too rigorous, some hate it, some enjoy it, some can orgasm from this, and some can female ejaculate as a result.



The flat area amongst the pudendal cleft while the anus. Some ladies discover this place sexually sensitive and painful. Slangily known as “the taint” ’cause it is not the genitals therefore ain’t the arsehole.

Grooming for Lesbian Gender


You can certainly do virtually what you desire along with your locks, although eliminating it completely
allows you to at risk of attacks
also it can end up being extremely itchy! Here’s
some data in your locks removal behaviors

Tips if you find yourself gonna remove some hair:

  • If you possess the cash in addition to time, hair laser removal is the better way of getting reduce the hair on your head where place your long-lasting. It really is typically said that laser treatment works more effectively on much lighter skin colors, but
    the good news is this is certainly changing
  • For many people, waxing is the best/cheapest option to “tidy up” without ingrowns. Dependent on your skin layer tone and sensitiveness, waxing may turn the skin an attractive color of crimson for just about every day, therefore schedule properly. We recommend getting hired carried out by a specialist, in case you wanna DIY, Sally Hansen’s are
    cheap and simple for newbies
    and is this kit from
  • In case you are shaving, you could get upset really serious shaver burn which occasionally looks like many red lumps around your neighborhood.
    Bikini Zone shall help you with this particular
  • If you shave a day or two before starting up, anybody who falls you will feel like these are typically inserting their particular face into a sheet of sandpaper.


Make sure that your nails tend to be because small as you can and smoothly submitted. If you do have very long fingernails or acrylics,
listed here is how exactly to have intercourse securely without having to sacrifice them
. Maintaining your arms mega-extra-super-duper-clean is vital. Play it extra-safe by employing some handy
exudate or nitrile gloves


All of you, your own vagina smells perfect just the means it’s! Usually do not douche or else attempt to infuse your own pussy with fields of marigolds. It’ll have a stronger scent for those who haven’t showered or have received really sweaty, that is certainly great. (Sidenote: the lingering odor of her on your fingertips = secret). However, if the snatch smells thus pungently fishy that partner can smell it within trousers from throughout the place,
you may have BV
and ought to
get see a gynecologist

Doing The Lesbian Sex

To be honest, we kinda don’t want that read through this. We would like you to definitely need to find it on your own, like we did! All of you, it’s therefore fun while reach end up being naked or half-naked with another woman! Right?! gender may be the finest once you stop considering and let your body believe for your needs!

Additionally no less than 1,000 gender recommendations we could give you for the rest of the sex-life, but nowadays we are gonna stay extremely






Only ’cause you’re both females does not mean what feels very good for you will feel good to the lady. Both of you can indicate what is operating and somethingn’t through terms, noises, or bodily reaction. Avoid being ashamed to inquire about questions or volunteer what you fancy. It’s like the Hot/Cold game, but naked and a lot more slippery! Saying “what do you ever like” is entirely a thing we carry out. So is chuckling.
We advice countless chuckling

Lesbian Sex Foreplay

There are a lot of circumstances going on in the body region for of you to understand more about, like BOOBS and ears, and playing with those body parts is fun AND a sensible way to get lubed upwards before any types of immediate genital contact does occur (if that is what you want). Some individuals can orgasm from pleasure of additional parts of the body besides the vadge, also. (If it’s your or your partner’s first time getting penetrated, don’t go with the
jackhammer shag within five minutes of the first tongue hug, ease into that crap!)

Handbook Clitoral Stimulation

This is a good place to start. Fairly self-explanatory. Once again, many people will require your hand to become a vibrator many will only want to be moved with severe delicacy. Learn by inquiring!

Oral gender is really so awesome
this virtually is like cheating. Like were lips enabled to get here, or is that one thing humankind determined on its own? Per always, err unofficially of sensitive and painful. This can be “teasing” or “how she likes it,” according to the lady. This could easily be paired with fucking/g-spot stimulation, but we’re beginning easy these days, therefore, once again, have some fun. Sometimes for those who have body image problems, becoming consumed can make you feel really revealed. Therefore shut your sight, things are ok. Also keep in mind to
rehearse safer gender with dental dams


When in question, begin slow/soft/delicate and construct up to because fast/hard as she wishes it. Guarantee she is wet prior to trying penetration —
lube is a great strategy to repeat this
. Subsequently:

+ focus on your own directory hand within just a bit, right after which all the way in after which make a moment hand if she wishes. (After that a third if she desires, etc etc) You shouldn’t get too fast, give the woman time and energy to respond.

+ look closely at where the various other hands are! If you’ve got your own index/middle hands inside the girl, is the thumbnail searching into her inner leg? Look at the crap.

+ Some women should not end up being penetrated for a variety of reasons, such as distress, gender identity or sex appearance,
and/or a preference for some sexual role
(such as “I fuck you, you do not screw me.”) If that is you and your spouse will get for the reason that place, politely move her hand and inform this lady where you would wish to be moved (or that you’d quite touch her).


Now, sticking your hand down her trousers and up the woman channel may be your first instinct, or possibly it’s what you’ve viewed on

The L Keyword

, but that is only one many magical steps women fuck some other girls. You will find 365 methods to generally dry hump (you


keep lingerie on with this, it could be much easier, but please do lose your top, for the reason that it’s more pleasurable). You’ll be able to basically wipe up on any part of her human body or wipe vadge-to-vadge nearly for the remainder of your life.

Much More Sources For Great Lesbian Sex:

The More You Know

  • DONT DO NOT compare parts of the body

    . Comments are superb! But forgo the urge to include an evaluation of your personal areas onto your praise relating to the woman areas. ‘Your [part] is so alot more [way to be] than mine! Waaah.’ = NO.
  • If you should be handling non-gender-conforming people then it’s far better ask before hooking up what exactly is okay and what exactly isn’t. Same for dealing with sex complying individuals!
  • You may have a right feeling safe and comfortable, meaning
    is key and so is
    less dangerous gender
    — please get a check-up and speak to your partner about any STIs you or she possess before jumping into sleep.
  • Whether you’re 16 or 36, you are not “BEHIND.” Because of the patriarchy, it will take you about 15 moments to find specifics of an average age from which heterosexual gents and ladies shed their particular V-Cards (16-17), but no such research is available for lesbians in terms of we are able to inform. Therefore we’ve accomplished a casual review of Team Autostraddle, which will be an undesirable sample population because we are all under 35 and clearly “out” enough to be


    Team Autostraddle very, we imagine, probably much more intimately knowledgeable as compared to typical lesbian keep. No matter, by age and season of “virginity reduction”:

Among our very own totally non-representative trial sized queer women, an average age for “our first-time” is actually 19.4.

Relevant Lists

Parts of the body that might be erogenous OR no-fly areas:

+ ears

+ throat

+ hard nipples

+ inner thighs

+ legs

+ fingers

+ butt

+ little of back

Many people Do many People You Shouldn’t:

+ desire to be penetrated

+ climax from entrance

+ climax

+ include adult toys into intercourse

+ enjoy g-spot stimulation

+ need manual clitorial arousal to climax

+ prefer clitorial pleasure AND vaginal entrance to orgasm

+ delight in anal penetration or
butt plugs
ingesting ass

+ usage

+ orgasm anyway

+ identify as

+ fantasize during sex

+ identify as either a ”
” or a ”
very top

+ recognize as either “butch” or “femme”

+ wish to be nude while having sex

+ desire the lights on during sex

+ adore it rough

have an STI

+ wanna

Issues That Might Happen Your First Some Time And Become Completely Good:

and practically drenching your whole bed (it isn’t really urine, we vow) (also, it really is amazing)

+ Farting or queefing

+ unintentionally cutting/lacerating the snatch (
this occurs to old advantages, also
) (

+ maybe not orgasming

+ not

Getting hurt

+ Tensing up while pentrated

+ Bleeding

+ Bleeding from hymen-breakage

+ Post-sex UTIs or yeast infections

+ Taking 30+ mins to climax

+ your own arm obtaining tired

+ Whining

+ Laughing

+ Thoughts

+ No feelings

+ maybe not experiencing like the entire world altered

+ experiencing such as the whole world changed

+ Feeling as if you’re on another level of closeness with your lover

+ maybe not enjoying it

Don’t be as well goal-oriented. Lots of people cannot arrive the first occasion — people do not come frequently during intercourse at all! If neither of you carry out, there is gonna be a minute once you feel just like you are done anyway, just like the encounter is over, which might feel unusual, but it is perhaps not strange, it occurs. End once you’d end any literally tiring activity — whenever you you should not feel like it anymore. Only laugh and perhaps stay nude and kiss and chat. Cuddle! Lesbians like to cuddle. Or ask the lady showing you how she becomes herself off and the other way around — shared genital stimulation is a great backup arrange for as soon as you both wish to come but are unable to appear to have it this time. And yes it’s hot to view and watch exactly what she really does to herself!

the afterglow




The Lesbian Gender Bible

Much more methods and advice for lesbian, bisexual and queer females that draws near the subject with laughter and irreverence.

Susie Sexpert’s Lesbian Sex Community

: The address of the book is so odd and 90s, you could install it for $2.99 from Amazon and it is — it’s just FUN. It is awesome sex-positive and is deserving of becoming a cult standard in the lesbian publication globe starting today.


The entire Lesbian Gender Book: A Passionate Guide for all those

, by Felice Newman: The standard. Buy it, find out it, stay it, love it.


Lesbian Gender: 101 Lovemaking Positions

: I guess you do not know any single thing regarding Joyride, tongue-and-groove, Toast Her, Gilding the Lily, Peach Gobbler, Hanky Spanky, lady Wrap or Velvet Rope, do ya? Well you could transform that.


Getting Off: A Lady’s Guide to Masturbation

: From gender writer and genital stimulation specialist Jayme Waxman.


Our anatomies, Ourselves: A Fresh Edition for a brand new Age

: speak to your womynhood.


The New Lesbian Gender Book, 3rd Edition

: Interviews with REAL LIVE LESBIANS regarding their gender lives, provides the influence of reminding you that there’s many lesbians available making love and it is not only you and your partner(s) within teeny small community from the sea.


Healing Gender: A Mind-Body Way Of Treatment Sexual Trauma

: “The most important motivating, sex-positive manual for every ladies survivors of intimate attack — heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian, coupled, and unmarried — who want to recover their unique intercourse everyday lives.”

Internet Sites:


Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

“Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross are two intergenerational intercourse good feminists whose dialogue on sexuality and feminism entertains and educates while delving into the Politics of females’s sex.” Includes
a collection of “how-to” movies
for various intimate acts, such as “first-time lesbian gender.”


The-Clitoris Dot Com

“all you actually desired to {know about|learn about|find out about|un